Open Door Policy
So, I know this is my first official post and I really should ease myself into it before getting too deep with the topics. This topic has been coming up a lot lately, so I have been wanting to talk about it. Anyway, here I go...
Open Relationships. Not a very mainstream ideal, but they certainly do exist. They seem to be more common in the gay community than the straight community. Either that or us gay men are just more inclined to be open and public about it. The concept of the open relationship is not new to me by any means, as I have been in one with Rich for many years. I will go on record with saying that they are not for everyone. At times, they can be frustrating and with added leg work, but they do that their advantages.
Like I was saying, the subject has been brought to me an uncanny amount of times, lately. I have been asked about how they work, seen shows on TV talking about them and even in print articles. It seems like it is being brought to the forefront.
A local news show did an expose on what they called 'swinging' here in the Phoenix Metro area. Granted, this particular topic was more focused to the straight community, but it was being talked about, nonetheless. They talked about how it was happening under all of our noses and what you need to know about what your neighbors are doing. It even went as far as having the shadowed-figure interviews. This made me quite perturbed. Why does it matter what people are doing in their own private lives? How does that affect anyone else? This point-of-view is along the lines of constantly being interrogated about my relationship and how my inquisitors could never be in a relationship like that and does not understand how one can live it. Hey, I didn't ask for your opinion. I gladly offer any information about what I think it is all about to help those that are curious about having one for themselves, but I do not need to take the beratement from the rest who can't deal with something that has nothing to do with them.
On another note, I recently read a rather interesting article in Out Magazine. It talked about gay men in committed relationships who then pursue another relationship. They are not cheating, but taking on boyfriend in addition to their husband/partner. All parties involved are aware of everyone else. Now, I had always wondered if this happened, but never heard any evidence. I don't think I could do it myself, at least at this point in my life and relationship. Hell, I have my hands full as it is!
I guess I should probably get to the point of all this. I feel that open relationships are more than just having the opportunity of sexual activities outside of one’s committed relationship, but it is also a mind set. It is being aware of a different way of life that is not confined by religious or social prejudice. I think someone who is either in an open relationship or is accepting of them are somewhat enlightened. They know that humans are still animals and have urges they have to deal with when it comes to sex. We are made to have multiple partners. The pairing of modern time is from what is expected of us to do not what our bodies are telling us it wants. Granted, I am sure there are plenty of people out there that have no issue with wanting to be with no one else other than their mate, but I am sure at one point they had the stray thought or hormonal surge to think of someone else.
I love my partner. He loves me. We both know that we are not going anywhere. But we also know we are humans, even more so males. We are driven by not just our minds and judgment, but our hormones and instincts. Our relationship has evolved into something more than most will ever experience. We can go have our own adventures and know that we have our mate, our best friend there at home, when we return. We encounter new experiences and then share them with each other. It is quite hot, actually.
You can say what you want about my relationship, but I know this is better than being in a monogamous relationship. We don't have to worry when the other is going to cheat, because we cannot cheat on each other.
We know where the other stands, and luckily it is right next to each other!
Open Relationships. Not a very mainstream ideal, but they certainly do exist. They seem to be more common in the gay community than the straight community. Either that or us gay men are just more inclined to be open and public about it. The concept of the open relationship is not new to me by any means, as I have been in one with Rich for many years. I will go on record with saying that they are not for everyone. At times, they can be frustrating and with added leg work, but they do that their advantages.
Like I was saying, the subject has been brought to me an uncanny amount of times, lately. I have been asked about how they work, seen shows on TV talking about them and even in print articles. It seems like it is being brought to the forefront.
A local news show did an expose on what they called 'swinging' here in the Phoenix Metro area. Granted, this particular topic was more focused to the straight community, but it was being talked about, nonetheless. They talked about how it was happening under all of our noses and what you need to know about what your neighbors are doing. It even went as far as having the shadowed-figure interviews. This made me quite perturbed. Why does it matter what people are doing in their own private lives? How does that affect anyone else? This point-of-view is along the lines of constantly being interrogated about my relationship and how my inquisitors could never be in a relationship like that and does not understand how one can live it. Hey, I didn't ask for your opinion. I gladly offer any information about what I think it is all about to help those that are curious about having one for themselves, but I do not need to take the beratement from the rest who can't deal with something that has nothing to do with them.
On another note, I recently read a rather interesting article in Out Magazine. It talked about gay men in committed relationships who then pursue another relationship. They are not cheating, but taking on boyfriend in addition to their husband/partner. All parties involved are aware of everyone else. Now, I had always wondered if this happened, but never heard any evidence. I don't think I could do it myself, at least at this point in my life and relationship. Hell, I have my hands full as it is!
I guess I should probably get to the point of all this. I feel that open relationships are more than just having the opportunity of sexual activities outside of one’s committed relationship, but it is also a mind set. It is being aware of a different way of life that is not confined by religious or social prejudice. I think someone who is either in an open relationship or is accepting of them are somewhat enlightened. They know that humans are still animals and have urges they have to deal with when it comes to sex. We are made to have multiple partners. The pairing of modern time is from what is expected of us to do not what our bodies are telling us it wants. Granted, I am sure there are plenty of people out there that have no issue with wanting to be with no one else other than their mate, but I am sure at one point they had the stray thought or hormonal surge to think of someone else.
I love my partner. He loves me. We both know that we are not going anywhere. But we also know we are humans, even more so males. We are driven by not just our minds and judgment, but our hormones and instincts. Our relationship has evolved into something more than most will ever experience. We can go have our own adventures and know that we have our mate, our best friend there at home, when we return. We encounter new experiences and then share them with each other. It is quite hot, actually.
You can say what you want about my relationship, but I know this is better than being in a monogamous relationship. We don't have to worry when the other is going to cheat, because we cannot cheat on each other.
We know where the other stands, and luckily it is right next to each other!
Labels: Enlightenment, Gay Life, Relationships, Rich Brown
posted by Justin Chanley at
5/14/2007 09:27:00 PM
1 Comments:
Justin, I have read in total, a bit of 5 - 10 blogs In my life. Even the engrossing few have not inspired me to post a response. This (I say-all dow eyed) is my first. Ok -you've popped my blogging cherry. so you should know JC, ...no not that blonde stud who hath spoken -Looky here! I turned my Evian into wine!. I mean you.
You should know that you successfully approached these loaded topics: multiple consensual partnership / fuk buddies / and casual encounters in one fell swoop without the all too common retaliatory approach.
The afore mentioned news agency. could be legally challenged enough to deter them but not without much spent energy. It is Profoundly inappropriate for any Journalist to take this stance. This isn't just a moral issue but a breach of ethics issue.
I like that you point to the judgments brought on by these relationship scenarios without the anger of a Zealot.
You have a mature view and for levity... your pics are a view worth leaking over... hmmmm sorry -I'll "re-group"now.
You articulated a common truth about "We The People In Order To Form A More Perfect Union.......". Gays and Lesbians are unremarkable in their differences ( accdording to unbiased science) yet those small differences are profound in our personal lives.
Gay and straight men are so meant to be best buds! We have more in common than any other gender or identity pairing. Though I couldn't live without my bestest gyrlfriends. If We:The Boys of Homoterianism. are lucky we have these straight men in our core group of friends.
Im an artist and my partners first impression of my straight male ( married or single) friends was "What? He's not gay? It's stereotyping but I like to hold my outstretched hands, palms up and pretend to balance the words Homo? Jew? or Artist?
These are the same guys that accept my Partner's and my recent ventures into "playing seperately with other guys" My guy friends get it but I can't see this working with there wives/ Gf's ...this this also makes sense.
Americans (much more so than Europeans) are so uncomfortable with less common arrangements. I've seen, first hand, acceptance from the Germans,Italians (sorry Pope Baby )and other Euro's that visit us in the States.
Generosity towards the MANY RESPECTFUL human conditions are often defined by education and economics. Ok -I'll shut up in a second! Lets make sure as you have done Justin that we don't commit the hate crime that some religious groups have.
Lets make sure that "Love The Sinner Hate The Sin" is not reciprocated. If I use "Bully God" to hate, I sure hope she she puts me in my place,
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